Kids are not pets

Dwarf 1 thinks he can tell grown-ups how to rule the world, and will talk to any stranger to make sure the message gets across. Last week turned out pretty entertaining as he felt compelled to explain to a lady who had her 2 toddlers on leashes that “kids are not pets”. Oddly enough, she did not seem to share his views on education and we left pretty quickly.

Kid on leash globe and mail
Image credit The Globe and Mail

Later on at the airport (yes I was crazy enough to travel alone with both Dwarves again), he went straight to a pretty overweight guy, asking him if he eats enough fruits and vegetables. I made him leave before he could keep going on the ravages of junk food.

Do those leashes come with a muzzle?

Oops he did it again

The Man bikes to work, and quite often, he decides stopping at red lights is optional for cyclists at 6.30 am.

Image credit transportgooru.com
Image credit transportgooru.com

On a regular basis, he gets stopped by a policeman who has himself decided bikers should also take red lights into account, even though there is nobody around except for squirrels and raccoons.

Although the Man knows his devoted personal assistant will take care of the matter should he get fined (see Speed dating), he this time managed to bike away by arguing he was sorry but there was nobody around and he was in a hurry to get to work.

Funny to see how invoking a kid’s open heart surgery cuts you some slack.

Toronto at war

A great localized Nike campaign.
A great localized Nike campaign.

I have to say I am a bit disappointed: moving to Canada, I was expecting to see bears and moose, but it turned out city wildlife does not really make us dream.

There are, for instance, so many squirrels in our neighborhood that the Dwarves don’t pay attention to them anymore.

They, however, react when they see raccoons.  These mammals can be found everywhere in Toronto. They knock over bins and spill trash and people hate them almost as much as paying taxes.

 I have to admit we naively went from “What a cute-looking animal!” to “Get this aggressive, dirty pest out of my backyard!” – This last sentence actually turned out really handy as it can also apply to the Man or the Dwarves depending on how bad my mood is.

Studies show they are able to remember the solution to tasks for up to three years and they are experts at opening any type of garbage bins (talking about the raccoons, there, and not the Dwarves and the Man who obviously cannot compete with such skills).  When the city of Toronto announced it will be rolling out a new raccoon-proofed garbage bin soon, it hit the front pages, making me realize what huge problems Torontonians have.

No, we are not bringing a raccoon back as a pe(s)t.

Raccoon

Oh, the job implies taking care of the kids….

 Over the years we have used a LOT of baby sitters, and even had a couple of full-time nannies.

Most survived both the interview process and the time they spent with the Dwarves. We are still looking for a few corpses.

Image credit The Fabrik.fr
Image credit The Fabrik.fr

Some of the best interview quotes:

–         You see, I am currently unemployed so it would be better if the money I make at your place as a full-time nanny is not declared so I can keep getting unemployment fees. (Yes, of course, we will be very happy to illegally employ you so you can make more money, thanks to government funding, and our taxes. Moreover, your moral standards will set a great example for the Dwarves. Hired!)

–         Yes, I really enjoy cooking and I am a great cook. What would I cook for them? Pasta. What else? Huh….(blank).

–         What would I do with the kids when I am with them? Huh…they play together,…no?

–         I know I am only 17 but I have a lot of experience babysitting my younger brother. How old he is…? Ahem…15.

–         What meal I would make them? Pasta! Ha, something else…Pizza? Not pasta or pizza? Huh…but that’s what kids like, right?

A reply to our “looking for a baby sitter” ad:

–         Am available (Great, we now feel we really know you and we are sure you are the perfect match for our family. So your name is sissi47? Hired!).

 Hired baby sitter texts at 9.58 pm, while we are at the restaurant:

–         When are you getting back?

Reply text sent at 10.22 pm (I can’t drink and text at the same time):

–         We are still eating. Anything wrong with the kids?

–         No, they are asleep but I am tired and would like to go to bed. So will you be here soon?

(Sorry, we had not realized we had a curfew, we will skip dessert, say bye to our friends in a rush so you can cross the street to your place and go to sleep. It’s Saturday night, after all!).

Any stories to share on your side?